Irish Left Archive

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The Plight of the Unmarried Mother, by One of Them

The two articles on un-married mothers in this paper a short time ago prompted me to write about some of my experiences as an un-married mother. I come from a small town in the West.

When my parents found out I was pregnant they rushed me off to the parish priest, who immediately demanded I marry the fellow.

Neither I or my parents wanted this 50 then he said I was to go away to relations living away until he could fix me up in a home. So I went away and about a month later went into a home in Co. Tipperary. I did not have to pay any money as the County Council payed the normal grant which was sent straight to the nuns.

My parents drove me there one Sunday and I remember well the Reverend Mother saying “Do not worry, she will be a different girl when she gets out”. I did not guess at the time how long it would be until T “got out”. When my parents left I was shown my bed in a dormitory and was given the first of many brainwashing sessions (because I was crying). This consisted of telling me that I was just a slut and not worthy of anything decent and that I should be extremely thankful and grateful that this home had taken me in, this continued in many different ways the whole time I was there and I believed it, forgetting as the nuns seemed to that they were being amply paid by the County Council.

WORK

The next morning I was put to work. The home was without any paid help, all the work was done by the mothers and the mothers-to-be. Some were put in the kitchen, some in the laundry, some used to sweep and wash the floors and some, if they were trained, were put in the office to type letters and answer the phone.

I was put in the kitchen. We had to get breakfast, dinner, and supper for 100 people. I settled down to my new situation and prepared myself to put up the loneliness of being away from home. I was prepared to put up with it but I was determined to write to my parents and tell them just how different the nuns were when they left.

COULD NOT LEAVE

So I wrote my letter and asked where I could post it. I was told that I could not go out to the post box in the town nearby, in fact I could not leave the convent grounds. So I asked how was I to post it. I was told “Hand it in to the Reverend Mother and when someone went into town they would post it. I went and gave it to the Reverend Mother, ten minutes later she sent for me.

When I went into her office there was my letter on the table, opened and obviously read. Before I had a chance to protest she told me that I couldn’t send that letter and that I would have to write another one that showed the home in a better light. This I refused to do and then she told me that if I didn’t she would hold all the letters that were sent to me so I agreed to re-write it. When I returned with the second letter, she opened it and read it and then told me that it still wasn't good enough. In the end she stood over me and told me what to write. This letter was duly posted. When the reply came my parents said that they were glad that I was so happy and that my letter had put their minds at ease.

When I told one of the other girls about all this she told me that every one went through the same thing when they first came. She also told me that she had complained to her parents when they came to visit her. Her parents went to the Reverend Mother and she told them that all the new girls went through that stage and that it would be better if they did not visit their daughter until she got over it, she said she would send for them when she thought the time was ripe.

So they left thinking that their daughter was in understanding hands and they were not sent for until the girl had promised to be ‘good”. When I heard that I realised that [there] was no way out but to keep my mouth shut and try to make the best of it.